From Dread to Delight

“My people will dwell in a peaceful habitation,
In secure dwellings, and in quiet resting places.”

Isaiah 32:18

Yesterday, I shed tears of joy and praised our mighty God regarding the healing that has taken place in my son. His disposition is completely different and for the good!

I honestly used to dread when I heard him wake up in the morning or anytime I heard him coming for that matter. Why? Because the symptoms of autism (not my son) made it impossible to have a peaceful relationship and home.

I never knew what itty bitty molehill was going to become some mountain to him that would send him from okay to tearing through the house and tearing it up. Therefore, I spent my days walking on eggshells, with a knot of dread in the pit of my stomach not knowing what would happen from one moment to the next.

The symptoms of this disorder (which means chaos) often USED to express themselves as rage, aggression, head ramming, destruction, name calling, falsely blaming me for every single thing that went wrong in his life, etc. He was always mean and cruel to me, never smiled or laughed and used to have this empty, utterly vacant look in his eyes.

Some meltdowns, I kid you not, lasted over 24 hours in a row. I think the longest one was over 40 hours in a row. To say I felt like I would go mad is putting it mildly.

One meltdown left every wall in the house covered in black Sharpie marker and another with pen marks all over my bedroom wall, with deep grooves where he used it to repeatedly work his way into the drywall.

Sometimes that irrational rage (caused by brain inflammation amongst other things) turned on me. I still need healing from PTSD and acute startle response issues from everything I went through because of the traumatizing symptoms of autism that robs a child or young adult of the ability to properly reason and rationalize, etc. etc. By His stripes I was healed too (1 Peter 2:24).

Only Jesus kept me sane through it all – alone as a solo mom. His father abandoned him many years ago. My son is twenty now, by the way, so when he got aggressive, all the way up until 19 years old, it was no small thing.

Now, he’s a delight to be around – totally healed from the above mentioned symptoms of disorder and chaos.

My son is now kind, sweet, considerate, smiles, laughs, hugs me, tells me he loves me often, shows and expresses concern for me and my wellbeing, and even get jokes. (Before he was healed jokes and any expressions of my joy really ticked him off. It was awful).

His eyes are no longer vacant but bright and “smiley.” When a problem arises, we can now converse about it rationally, and I can easily explain to him why it’s not a mountain, I’m here to help, and it’s an easy solvable problem. And he stays calm.

Recently, a thunderstorm woke him up, and he stayed calm and reacted appropriately. In the past, that alone would have sent him into a house tearing up rage because he couldn’t stand being woken up.

On his own, he has said about himself, “I’m not like I used to be. I’m much better now. I used to be like a monster” – his words, not mine. I never referred to him as a monster as I knew the source of the behaviors that controlled his will and irrational responses that robbed him of his real self. Thank You, Jesus! He’s not 100% healed yet but is well on his way by Jesus’s stripes (1 Peter 2:24)!

The above, lead verse, Isaiah 32:18, is one I prayed and declared almost daily and over our home as well as from Proverbs 31, “My child rises up and calls me blessed.”

Glory to God alone! Who is worthy to be praised and receive all honor and blessing! Whose Word CANNOT return unto Him void.

Don’t give up on the Word and its promises for He is the Word! (John 1:1).

6 responses to “From Dread to Delight”

  1. How long have you been praying the 31 prayers over your beloved son?


    1. hiswarringhandmaid Avatar

      I started praying many of the verses in the book probably starting late 2018, then the Lord led me to write the book, abd I did so little by little bc things were a living nightmare. I prayed the prayers as I wrote them. I actually finished the book in April 2019 but then had to edit it. The enemy used those symptoms to try to stop me. So to say things got bad when I agreed to write the book doesn’t come close. The gates of hell came against me but I knew why and refused to give up bc like Abraham I considered not the deadness of the situation and knew that what God promised, He was able to perform. And He gave me that Joshua word too. Nothing was going to stop me from publishing that book. Delay maybe. But not stop. It took until March 2020 to publish it. Glory to God!


      1. You’re right. You mentioned this in the book. Sorry!


      2. hiswarringhandmaid Avatar

        It’s okay. I don’t mind answering. We can’t memorize everything. :o) God bless you.


    2. hiswarringhandmaid Avatar

      I also wanted to add that I make sure I stay in the position that it’s not about my “do” or my “don’t do” it’s about what Jesus already did. and receiving by faith and by His righteousness. So I pray from a place of rest knowing that it is done. For example, I am completely worry free about how I go about praying the prayers. Some days I will just focus on one prayer or a few. Some days I take communion for my son and pray in tongues and don’t use my book. Some days, the Lord will give me a verse and I focus on that for my son like “He brought him into a broad place, He delivered him bc He delighted in him from Ps 18. Bc my son got so used to staying home, he doesn’t like to go out. I don’t accept this of course and use the Word to tear it down, apply to the situation, etc.

      e.g. To make sure I am not unintentionally getting into any sort of works about it and that it’s simply my childlike faith at work in all the beautiful things I know Jesus already did for my son. ❤ God bless. I appreciate you. By His stripes, your son was healed. "It is FINISHED!" ~ Jesus.


  2. […] he’d never be able to stop. I have been so blessed to hear him acknowledge several times that he’s not like he used to be, […]


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